i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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