I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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