i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
