I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
