my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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