and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
