im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
