I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
