I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
