I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
