Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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