Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
