Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my shit smells like andre
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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