You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Bring me that man meat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
