do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
