peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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