google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
