He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
