the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
