Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
