Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
