Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
