Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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