Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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