This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
