He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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