one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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