I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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