You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
