I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
