Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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