You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
