from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
