I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
