Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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