Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
