Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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