dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
