Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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