I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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