I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
