He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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