I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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