I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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