The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
