Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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