He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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