Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
