Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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