what day is it and did you see me today?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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