I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
