Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
