If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
