Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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