If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
