Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
