i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
