I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
