laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
