So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
