youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
