Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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