Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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