My liver just broke up with me...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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