ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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