i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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