I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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