Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
