using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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