I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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