Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
