You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
