Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
