So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
